omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize