um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
