her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
