I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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