Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
