I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
