Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
