Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
