why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
