Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
