He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
