you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize