How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
