Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
