I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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