Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
