This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
