i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
