You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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