Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I haven't been this sober since birth.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
