who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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