I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
