Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
