I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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