glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
