I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize