I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
