I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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