I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just google imaged poop.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
cat food counts as protein by the way
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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