Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
