well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
