cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
