I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
