The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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