Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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