I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she peed on how many people?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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