Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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