I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize