Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
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