Christians are straight up FREAKS
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
