4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
