I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
