Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
