I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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