i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
