I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
