you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
