I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
