puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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