he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I stole a fireplace last night.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize