Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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