I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
