If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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