Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
