Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
