She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize