HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
