they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
