Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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