Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize