I murdered the dance floor call the cops
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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