And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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