omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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