Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm sobbing to NWA
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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