My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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