I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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