That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Randomize
