he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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