I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
