I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
