he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
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