Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
