Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
