i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
