Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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