glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
