just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm really busy with my period
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