So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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