I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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