My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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