Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
