i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize