i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
