i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
