in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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