Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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