All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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