why didn't you poke me back
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
id be glad to
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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