Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
