It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
