I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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