left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
