Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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