Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
