someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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