so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
