tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
