hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I am midnight drunk by noon
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
