i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
