You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
