just tell him i said nine months
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
