great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i think my cat just said my name.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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