he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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