Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
