fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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