You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
