i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
