I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The uberlube is also flammable
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
