You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
