I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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