if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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