Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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