This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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