guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
