you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
