On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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