You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize