If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
