so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
