I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
