You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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