We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
