every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
