I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Randomize
