I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize