you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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