Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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